Brutally Honest- 13 Reasons Why

This Netflix original has so much controversy attached to it. I can understand fully why people love the daring drama, the risk taking plot and the fantastic amount of effort put in from all areas. However, as a registered mental health nurse, I could not disagree more with most of the show.

Now if someone asked me, did you like the show? I would not say no. Truthfully, I’m in two minds. On one hand the show has a great cast, fantastic acting, and some undoubtably meaningful messages with an overall a very powerful point trying to be made. But how much thought was actually given for those already in a bad place just like Hannah is?

Throughout the story, we gain great insight to Hannah’s life, we grasp a clear understanding very early on, that she is in fact unhappy, mistreated and feeling incredibly low. I’m intentionally not using the word depressed, as I know she hadn’t been diagnosed in the show, and in circumstances similar, not everybody who feels this way will consider themselves depressed. There’s a real stigma that has always been associated with mental illness and mental health labels. I wish more than most, that this was not a thing, but unfortunately we live in a society where judgement is most people’s second language. I don’t understand why this show didn’t attempt to highlight something like that. It’s a well known issue in today’s society.

However, my point in all of this is that I found “13 reasons why”, to paint an unrealistic experience. I am not stating that this couldn’t or doesn’t happen. I am simply stating that through experience as a nurse, I have met many people of all ages, in a similar dark place. This dark place, can and does vary. However this show makes suicide seem almost a reasonable and or rational decision that Hannah made.

It should not.

I believe “13 Reasons Why” glamorised suicide and glorified revenge.

Hannah was a young girl, a young girl desperate for help. Instead of focusing on the fact that suicide is not the answer or that the pain does not end with someone ending their lives, and that there is not only one way out of this nightmare. The show focuses on how Hannah plays part in blackmail and ruining other people’s lives, it shows a twisted way of making people accept responsibility for how they made Hannah feel.

In my own personal opinion, this show was given a platform to portray these messages, they did that. What they could have done, expand on the lengths people go to with suicide, the place they may be in and the affect the physical death and aftermath has on the people affected. The show chose to focus the effects of Hannah’s black mail and how that affected the instead. I feel the platform they had, was not exploited.

I have read online, so many Facebook posts about how moving the show was. And that, I can not fault. In particularly Kate Walsh, she portrays every mothers painful reaction so well. I’ve read so much about how people have thought about their own actions since watching the show. All these things are fantastic, the world is that bit more aware.

This world is also full of easily influenced people who may see suicide as an option when something goes wrong. They have opened up people’s eyes who may think sadness is incurable. People need to know that there is so much more to life after high school.

I applaud the “13 Reasons Why” team for attempting to bring such frowned upon topic to television and media today. However, I hope in future media lays off showing how the death is carried out and stops glamourising something so Tragic and real.

Caution- either very sappy or very naive post.

Okay, I have absolutely zero reasons for writing what I’m about to write. 

In fact I’ve not written it yet and I already regret it. Good. Great start. 

*Background Info- October 2016, I moved away from home to travel the world, currently in New Zealand*

Anyway, at home I have a best friend who we will call “Mike” for now. Obviously that is not his real name. He and I met when I joined a University sports club that he coached. He was a few years older than me, and was due to finish uni soon. We had a club night out and drunkenly, we kissed. We flirted and then I realised what was going on, soberly I corrected everything that turned out to be just a drunk flirty night and we remained friends. Over time, we became best friends.

 It’s six years later and I consider him my best friend. Within the last six years, we have had moments of uncomfort where it has felt like he wanted more. I ALWAYS corrected them, I once sent a four page text on how I thought by ignoring him for six days was what I needed to do for him to get the message. That was wrong of me, and he text me asking why I was short with him. I explained that I didn’t want to lead him on, hurt him or use him and that I had heard him confess his undying love for me to my friend when he was drunk and next door one night. I asked him to tell me what to do. And his reply was similar to “we continue as friends and you’ve never been anything but clear with me”. We did, we hang out all the time. It was back to the good days. 
I became unwell a few years ago, and found hanging out with him was the only real time I was allowed to moan and say what I wanted to say etc and not be judged for being pathetic. I began travelling in October and in march he accepted a job in another country, a nine hour flight from home. It was around end of November time, I realised how much I missed him. I spent so much of my time with him and at the time, I didn’t even appreciate it. Now, classically I think I’m in love with him. 

Nobody realised what that statement means coming from me.  

I’m 23 years old, I’ve never had a “boyfriend” and typically I deem “love” to be something married couples eventually develop. I always stated that any boy I may have been with for a length of time (sometimes a year) was only the person I was “seeing”. As soon as it becomes awkward and they usually are in it for longer, I get cold feet. However, as I have all the time in the world to think right now, I’ve began to think about just what “Mike”does and would always do for me, what we’d be like together, how much fun we’d have just goofing around. “Mike” would, and has literally dropped everything at the speed of light for me. He’s left work early and driven me three hours home to only to drive three hours back on his own. He’s sent flowers to hospitals, he’s picked me up more times than I’ve ever get a bus. He’s my best friend and one of the only people I can say I trust and not think twice about it. Nothing is ever too much for “Mike”. 

URGH. Why’d I decide I might have feelings for him when it can never or will never happen? It’s like I like to find things difficult. 

The worst part is- if I tell him, I can’t take it back. I can’t forget it and he certainly can’t forget something like that, even if he doesn’t feel the same. If I don’t tell him, I end up writing a stupid blog where people probably don’t even see it. I don’t want him to think I’ve decided this because he’s left the country, or because I’m bored or because I’ve just decided, what the heck. 

I’m aware it’s an incredibly naive thing, to throw the word love around. I certainly, have never been in love before. I’m not even sure I believe people are in love so often. I also know there’s nothing wrong with being in love. I just find it hard to accept it coming from me. I’m pretty sure I’m feeling something similar though, I keep daydreaming stupid things like just being with him, driving, or out and about or introducing him to people. I keep talking about him and I keep thinking about telling him all this. 

Oh me, oh me, oh me. 

Someone help me fix this before I ruin something so great. 

#13ReasonsWhyChallenge

Today, I received a comment from terrymcnude. He suggested I take part in his 13 Reasons Why Im Happy Challenge, and so here it is.

13 REASONS WHY I AM HAPPY

1- My siblings- Im second oldest of five children, and I’d be so lost without them. They’re the only people I can confess how much I can’t stand them to their face, but also the same people I’d never confess to actually wanting to be friends with them. We’re designed the same, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

2– My parents- If I owe anything to anyone its, my parents. For the obvious, but also for the education, the love, the holidays, the fact that I never wanted for anything. Although they no longer see eye to eye, together they certainly made an incredible team.

3– My job- I’ve never fallen into anything that’s been so worth it before. Ive slipped in and on a lot of things, usually over my own feet, and I’m never usually grateful for it. But I was pleasantly guided towards nursing, and basically picked mental health because I sounded the least boring. But my god, I am so incredibly grateful for the job i have. Ive never been good at anything- unless you consider rolling your tongue a skill. This job is something I can say I’m good at, I have passion for, and I never see me stopping it.

4– Babies- Do i need to explain why babies make people happy? If you don’t like them, I bet you’re a cat person.

5–  My friends- Specifically a few, but i honestly believe I’ve surrounded myself with people that encourage me to be a better person. Don’t get me wrong- this is a page from a hypocrite and not everyone is nice 24/7. But in general, we laugh, encourage each other, we share, we are just there. yaknow?

6– My health- Ive certainly grudged my health a lot, specifically recently. Ive hated parts of me, and i’ll never be okay with a lot of me. But my hearts full and ticking, my organs are in tact, and my reasons for grudging it are no longer valid.

7- Pancakes/ crepes – OH MY GOD THEY’RE JUST SO GREAT. Add Nutella or raspberry Jam or banana or lemon and sugar. Jesus you’re life will improve. Unless you’re allergic to any of those things- best you don’t eat them in that case.

8– Seasons- I love to think autumn is my favourite time of year. But then snow comes and I’m so happy and its so pretty, until its here for 8 weeks and then its slush and I have to walk in it. Then I ain’t so happy. Then flowers come up in spring and tights come off, and its a lovely temp. Then summers here, and beer gardens are open, cafes seat outside, people are looking healthier and happier, and the air is clear. I can’t pick. So seasons, Im happy I live in a country where usually, we have seasons.

9– Baking/ Cooking- I like to think I try. Im not very good, but I enjoy it majority of the time, and it makes me happy.

10- Witnessing kind gestures- A kid dropping something and an adult being so gently kind, and helping them retrieve it. An elderly person having a helping hand cross the road, or lift their bags. A mother not having to ask for help because someone has already began lifting her pram up the stairs for her. These little, common acts make me happy when I witness them.

11– Receiving Post- I don’t know why, but I get so excited waiting for mail. Or unexpected mail, oh my gosh thats so much better. I do get deflated with junk mail, but if it has my name on it- I appreciate it.

12– The fact that a smile is the most contagious thing- I love to smile when I’m passing someone and to see them smile back.

13– When Zara have a sale on- enough said really.

 

#13reasonswhychallenge

 

Glamourised Mental Illness

I was flicking through the tags, searching for blogs I wanted to read and follow- in the hope to gain followers or readers for my self- THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN, not cool. What happened to ‘like for like’ or whatever it is the 14 year olds do these days? Urgh, Yes I feel hard done by. 

ANYWAYS, my go to things for reading are either mental health stories and experiences, budgeting, pancake pictures (I’m trying to stop being addicted, pictures don’t help FYI), travel ideas etc etc you get that my thoughts do not follow any pattern. Its like a bloody maze in my head. Oh my god I’m off topic again, so as I was getting to- I found so many posts about bad experiences and upbringings, bullying, starving, anxieties, just all the tear jerkers in life.

I have so many opinions on these things. Im not even sure what my take on them is.

On one hand, I’m intrigued about everyones lives. I want to know as much as I can about how a person became that person. It actually baffles me to see how people grow and become such individuals. Specifically how people survive.

One the other, I’m doubtful. *please stop now if you’re offended easily*

I want to believe there is a better place, that life can’t be this bad for everybody. That these things we read about, or in my case work with, can’t be so common. Yes, I am fully aware how much is unreported, or emotional abuse, or under the radar- whatever you wish to call it. But I’m also in my twenties and fully aware of how glamourised it has become to be ‘suffering’. I’ve met hundreds of people who claim to be a victim as a result of unexplained pain. I’ve seen people flat out lie to simply feel the love and support of anyone who will believe them.

Celebrities may be the people we need to use their platform for mental illness to become accepted globally. But they may also be to blame for glamourising aspects of disorders.

For example- Demi Lovato, She reports that she was going through a lot, she was not in a clear mindset and sought help. She opened up with a diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. Now my views on that will remain personal. I am not stating that I believe, or disbelieve her. My point of bringing her up was, for me, she was one of the first who brought mental illness into the limelight so willingly in face to face interviews. Her fans are all of much younger ages, and typically impressionable . She told her story, and probably/ hopefully helped thousands of people. I take my hat off to her for making mental illness a talked about topic in the world we live in. She used her platform like a champion.

However, since then there has been many people who undoubtably saw that Demi’s career took off from this, specifically her hit song ‘skyscraper’. Before you know it, many other stars were claiming to have sought treatment privately, they were getting air time to talk on their issues etc. I am still all for the talking of mental health issues, and want these to be as normal as a broken arm would be. I do however, have a real hard time accepting that these things are only suddenly common and excuses for certain people. Having worked and read about a lot of cases, where someone claims their actions were justified because in 2003 they were battling an eating disorder, should not mean that in 2017 they are excused for recent jerk behaviour or that it may justify why they played part in destroying other people around them.

A lot of articles, which granted are probably written from scumbag paparazzi, highlight how brave people like Demi Lovato & Selena Gomez are, yet how totally bonkers and hilarious it is that Amanda Bynes has been suffering and is unwilling to accept help. I read multiple stories and saw memes everywhere about Amanda set fire to a bag of shit on her parents door step, or how Brittany spears shaved her head. That’s soul destroying to read. Im so glad Demi got the help she chose to get, and needed. But Amanda Bynes, Brittany spears, Charlie sheen, Mathew Perry, Mel Gibson, Gwyneth Paltrow all these stars we’ve read about for years who suffered one way or another, they were almost feared or forgotten.

 

Mental Illness has been around forever. Mental Illness is not going away. It is also something that should not be glamourised but it is definitely something that should be advertised. People Suffer. People heal. People need to know it CAN get better. 

#1

After wondering if I’m capable of writing a blog, I wrote my first post about how I could do just that. Then annoyingly I lost that post. So here I am once again, trying to remember what I’d written previously. How annoying. Maybe I’m not cut out for this after all! 

Anyways, God loves a trier- or something like that. Whoops there you have it folks, without even meaning to I’ve posted my first hypocritical statement. ‘God loves a trier’. Jesus, maybe this will come easier to me than I thought. Incase you’re lost- I’m not sure I believe in any form of religion. However, I’m also not sure I’m ready to say I don’t believe. The comfort of having peace after life is reassuring and I really wish I found it easy to believe. Usually I state that I don’t believe, then I feel guilty, or even scared that I may need Hope at some point in my life. Sorry, I’ve no clue what I’m rambling about either. 

Without meaning to I’ve, demonstrated (unclearly) about just how much of an honest hypocrite I really am. In my original post I stated that I try my best not to be a hypocrite in person, but now I’m remember I’m second of five children and I just love to pretend I wasn’t wearing heels and thinking I was ‘all that’ at sixteen and seventeen. 

Anyway back to the point of this first post, I’ve always wanted to have a blog. I’m aware of how hard it is to have a successful blog and the effort required is what put me off. I actually decided to write one after watching ’13 reasons why’ (the netflix series), explode in conversation all over my social media. Naturally, I don’t have big enough balls to comment on ‘friends’ status’s with my real name about how much I disagree. I mean, I don’t think Erika from another country who I haven’t communicated with since 2008 would appreciate that very much. But Erika, if by some weird coincidence you’re here- you’re opinion is stupid…..KIDDING- kind of. 

Im so sick of being on pinterest or instagram, and seeing all these famous or semi- famous bloggers promoting juices, seeds, teeth whitening products etc etc. I have come to the bitter understanding that I shall always be an unfollowed social media user, who wants more than anything free products to benefit my skin and teeth, but that doesn’t happen to just anyone. I am so bored of seeing blogs about meal preps, plans or diets and exercise shortcuts, or ways to make yourself better looking. I solemnly swear, that i shall never promote any form of avocado meal plan. I do not like avocado. I do not like the idea of sprinting chilli flakes on my eggs. I do not like breakfast. I can almost promise, that I’ll mention my undying love for coco pops and pancakes regularly. 

With all things above considered, I’m unsure how to sign off- so here is my (not actually mine- thanks to my little dutch flatmate) pancake recipe, that in a nutshell- improves lives. 

BON APPETIT! x

Take 1 egg, 250ml milk and 125 flour, mix in a bowl with a pinch of salt, take the pan and put it on the fire with a decent tablespoon of oil
Let the oil heat up until it’s nice and hot, pour about a soup spoon full of batter in the pan and spread out by tilting the pan, wait, flip, add choco stuff, roll up, eat